Exotic dung coffee–what’s wrong with humanity
Forget cream or sugar with your coffee–how about feces? That’s what you very well could start hearing at any or all of your seventeen neighborhood Starbucks one of these days. It’s called Kopi Luwak, and it’s the rarest, most expensive coffee in the world.
Why? Because humans suck. Well, more than that, here’s the scoop about the poop coffee: it’s made from coffee berries that have been eaten, digested and consequently defecated by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus, quite possibly the least flattering scientific name ever). Apparently, the civets eat the berries, but the beans inside pass through their system undigested (kinda like corn for us, only vastly different). The beans are then gently washed, and given only a light roast so as to not destroy the complex flavors that develop through the “process.” Research shows that digestive juices of the civet actually penetrate the beans and change the proteins that give coffee its bitter taste, resulting in the café shit’s unique flavor. Mmmm, juices.
Now for the shocking part–Kopi Luwak sells for up to $600 USD per pound. Let me repeat, $600 USD per POUND (and $30-$100 per cup)! Talk about holy shit (or at least, wildly expensive shit). It’s produced in the archipelago nations of Indonesia, East Timor and the Philippines, but not surprisingly is sold mainly in Japan and the United States. Is there nothing we won’t stoop to shamelessly and extravagantly consume? Mark my words, one day soon this will become the official legal stimulant of Dubai.
According to an expert on this crap, Dr. Massimo Marcone from University of Guelph (oddly enough, in Canada), almost half the beans marketed under the name “Kopi Luwak” are either adulterated or fake (one can only assume using fake civet poop). So know your sources before you drain your savings on roasted weasel apples (the civet is a close relative), and make sure your Kopi Luwak is made from organic, free range poop, ya hear?