Exotic dung coffee–what’s wrong with humanity

How gourmet coffee is really made (pre-defecation)

Forget cream or sugar with your coffee–how about feces? That’s what you very well could start hearing at any or all of your seventeen neighborhood Starbucks one of these days. It’s called Kopi Luwak, and it’s the rarest, most expensive coffee in the world.

Why? Because humans suck. Well, more than that, here’s the scoop about the poop coffee:  it’s made from coffee berries that have been eaten, digested and consequently defecated by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus, quite possibly the least flattering scientific name ever). Apparently, the civets eat the berries, but the beans inside pass through their system undigested (kinda like corn for us, only vastly different). The beans are then gently washed, and given only a light roast so as to not destroy the complex flavors that develop through the “process.” Research shows that digestive juices of the civet actually penetrate the beans and change the proteins that give coffee its bitter taste, resulting in the café shit’s unique flavor. Mmmm, juices.

Now for the shocking part–Kopi Luwak sells for up to $600 USD per pound. Let me repeat, $600 USD per POUND (and $30-$100 per cup)! Talk about holy shit (or at least, wildly expensive shit). It’s produced in the archipelago nations of Indonesia, East Timor and the Philippines, but not surprisingly is sold mainly in Japan and the United States. Is there nothing we won’t stoop to shamelessly and extravagantly consume? Mark my words, one day soon this will become the official legal stimulant of Dubai.

According to an expert on this crap, Dr. Massimo Marcone from University of Guelph (oddly enough, in Canada), almost half the beans marketed under the name “Kopi Luwak” are either adulterated or fake (one can only assume using fake civet poop). So know your sources before you drain your savings on roasted weasel apples (the civet is a close relative), and make sure your Kopi Luwak is made from organic, free range poop, ya hear?

.Z.

Good to the last dropping

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~ by zactopia on April 20, 2009.

2 Responses to “Exotic dung coffee–what’s wrong with humanity”

  1. Thanks for making me aware of this shit. I think that a Civet farm might be a good investment. Or perhaps opening a Starbucks in a jurisdiction with lax health code restrictions, where we could keep caged Civets beside the baristas, and the customers could pick their own poo.

    Thinking about the first person to try this naturally leads the innovative mind to inquire… does the human digestive system break down coffee beans too much to try a “home-brew” of sorts? Has the process been tried with other animals? What’s to say that the digestive juices of the common squirrel, the guinea pig, the aardvark, or the sewer rat are not as tastily infused into coffee beans prior to defacation? I smell a research project – let’s apply for a grant.

  2. Hi,
    We are the suave coffee from Hong Kong, the official agent of Maharaja Coffee, a reputable supplier of wild Kopi Luwak from Indonesia. We supply best wild kopi Luwak coffee bean single origin frrom Indonesia. Wild and pure 100% wild Luwak from single origin. Luwak Coffee are carefully cleaned, natural sun dried, quality controlled, preserve the best Luwak beans. graded almost zero defect bean by international quality standard.

    Our Luwak coffee have a specific aroma that differ from ordinary coffee from same location or any places on earth, Once you test the original cup of Luwak coffee, you never forgot the taste and aroma, just like a typical perfume of coffee. The coffees we presented were some of the best in the comp and cupped in the mid 80’s.
    Limited Stock by booked order:

    Contact us to prove you for real of Luwak coffee:
    thesuavecoffee@gmail.com
    Alan Yeung

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