Look ma, I’m a douchebag
Some people would rather be broadcast to the world as an assclown than never be broadcast at all. I don’t subscribe to that theory.
Hate to be a misanthrope, but the above image simply begs—nay, demands—a few fleeting moments of thought, none of which are least bit complimentary:
1) You did it! You’re actually on television. THE television! If the kids from middle school could just see you now, those jerks would totally realize that calling you “smegma” from 6th grade on was a HUGE mistake. Who’s a genital secretion now, Ryan McPeterson?
2) What’s with the flag? And that freshly-yoinked ABC insignia affixed to his trapper hat? This is a football game, not an ABC convention. Who really gives a shit that it’s on ABC? If they didn’t televise it, some other network would have. Upshot: You’re fucktards. Nobody with a soul goes to a game and roots for the network.
3) Moving past why, HOW in hell did these ABC superfans come to acquire said paraphernalia? These are not retail items. Either ABC is a heavy hitter in the black market, or this gear was procured by unsavory means. I’m leaning towards the latter. So not only is this image an egregious violation of network logo standards (two different ABC logos so close together? Gah!), it certainly looks like the rotten fruits of a harebrained plan and a possible misdemeanor to boot.
What’s worse, ABC rewards these disphits for their shadiness by putting them on TV. Lesson learned: steal shit from the network, shove it in their faces during prime-time programming, and shazzam! you’re the very embodiment of sports fandom. To me, however, you’re still just a fucktard.
4) When I see something like this, I can’t help but instantly judge these people’s characters. Okay, it’s more like a cloudy preconception of their characters, but I’m ready to hate them. And to be honest, I really don’t think that’s my fault.
5) Were I to use up many hours making a sign in the hopes of being on camera, I’d want it to be something I’m proud to broadcast to the world. Not that it would have to be my magnum opus, but creating a false idol to ABC (not to mention the ham-fisted tape job—the only homemade part of the whole thing) just to get noticed does not elicit pride. And it shouldn’t. That right there is shameful. Again you reinforce your asshattery.
6) What exactly are you thanking ABC for? For televising a program you’re not watching? You’re at the game, dumbshit. In fact, you’re one of the haphazard few whom ABC did absolutely nothing for—and that, gentle reader, is what we in the biz call a “fatal flaw.”
At least the young man below tried (and failed) to make a concept out of his sign.
You can’t totally blame this kid. He’s probably a huge Penn State fan and had great seats, so he made an acronym sign to get noticed. At least he included a team on there, and not just some ingratiating pro-ESPN sign. Lucky for him, he’s got the excuse of age on his side. If this prepubescent were 7 years older, he’d be an object of ridicule, and rightly so. Whilst not yet there, he’s certainly on the path towards douchebaggery.
It’s also quite obvious he’s rather keen to show off his not-so-state-of-the-art S’s to the TV-watching world (dude, I was drawing those in 4th grade for like 10 days, and then I got on with my life). In fact, I might wager that this sign and message were conceived entirely around these futuristic S’s. Why? Because the rest of the letters really suck (not that the S’s are all too impressive, mind you); there’s a glaring grammatical error (“support’s”? C’mon, Dad, don’t make your kid look even dumber); and the message really just isn’t true. I don’t support Paterno’s Nittany Lions. So there’s that gaping hole in logic. But he is a kid, and I’m not cruel for the sake of cruelty.
So he gets a pass. For now.