Storming the outhouse

After weeing in this lovely port-a-john outside Worton’s Market in Georgetown, CA, I couldn’t help but notice the implausibility of the scene illustrated in the logo.

I might even go so far as to call it “historically inaccurate” and “fucking stupid.” Have a gander.

Here’s a blurrier version of it head-on:

How do I detest thee, logo? Let me count the ways:

1) No castle dwellers in their right minds would raise the portcullis, lower the drawbridge, cross the moat and sally forth down a winding path every time they use the loo. What if they have the runs? An anxious bladder? Perchance a midnight dumper?

Such measures require far too much forethought and exertion—particularly in a moment when too much exertion can result in premature excretion, not to mention some rather crusty breeches later on.

2) The decorum surrounding a royal bathroom excursion would be nothing short of a Monty Python sketch. Every time the king returns from pinching a loaf, the trumpets blare to announce his return? How mortifying.

3) What’s with the ramparted latrine? And that flag, is it one of those medieval vacant/occupied deals?

I suppose it might be pretty tragic if the outhouse were overtaken, so it’s worth defending. But when it comes down to it, all you’d really be fighting for is a pile of decaying fecal matter (only a small fraction of which is your own), surrounded by rocks and a flag that might serve as emergency TP when the corn cobs run out. Not something I’d give my life to protect. But that’s just me.

4) And what if the castle were under siege? Where then would the occupants crap?

Verdict:  very unimpressive. But then again, it is just a port-a-john. If you’re in the business of portable bathrooms, historical accuracy probably isn’t your top priority.

Let’s not overthink it.


~ by zactopia on September 7, 2011.

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